My soul is in a bitter-sweet place this morning. I find myself at the crossroads of life. This way or that. You may have seen similar post on this topic in the past and it is because I have drifted in and out and back and forth on this matter. Which road do I choose? Which path is correct? I used to be terrified and believe that God was going to crush me if I did what I wanted. My dream was somewhere and I had to be brave enough to find it. Then one day God said, “Walk in your complete truth.” And so I did, but nothing changed. My inner light has slowly faded day after day and week after week. Here I am. Fear is a dream thief. It sits there staring us in the face almost taunting us with whispers, ” You can’t do that. You won’t do that. You are too weak. There is too much what ifs. Stop being silly. That is not reality.” This goes on and on. On the other hand this past month I have dared myself do one thing a week that terrifies me so I can conquer this devil of fear. I have successfully won the small battles.
My dream is this, to be a writer/blogger and #1 Best Selling Author on Amazon, to be a runner and complete 2 10K’s this year, to grow my brand JunkyGypsy Inspirations: in which I take the lead for women and conquer my fears and create my dream life and by being the example I can help them be all they are meant to be! To grow my doTERRA business and build a tribe of sista’s who believe in natural healing and have a passionate desire for their bodies to operate at peak performance. I want to speak to a crowd of 500 women and tell my story with my children present so they can see anything is possible. Pay off my debts and build savings so I can give freely, travel freely and live freely. To bless my children with their basic needs while spending quality time together on vacations. That is it. I comprehensive list of my goals and dreams I am determined to succeed at these are all non negotiable.
What I did not include is the environment in which all these things take place. I will have a cute house in the mountains with a view off my back deck. I will drive a nice car either a suburban or a Prius, ” I know its one extreme to the other.” But, hey its my dream. To go out to restaurants for dinner in the city. To walk everywhere. Join a gym downtown. Make relationships with the most beautiful like-minded people. To serve others daily. To walk in love and truth. To have integrity and wisdom. To wake up excited about my life and pinch myself because I think I am dreaming. All of this can not happen until I put away the old. It is like when you decide to change how you talk to yourself. When you release all of those negative thoughts and words and replace them with positive affirmations. After a while you believe the affirmations and all of the negativity is gone.
I know I am more confident, more outgoing, more courageous, today than I was two years ago. I know it is because of my thinking. The transformation is real. Today I am at the crossroads once again. This time it feels like the last time this opportunity may cross my path. I know the way. I know what to do. As humans we feel the need to ask others if this is right or wrong as if they know what we are going through or what is in our head. Don’t get me wrong sometimes when you confide in another it is wise to listen but, ultimately it is your life and your choice. It is like when I went for my run yesterday, I thought no one else is going to run for me or get me in shape. No one. This is my discipline. I have given credit to others in my life when really it was me doing the work. This might sound a little crazy but, I would give credit for actions I took in my life to someone else just because they were with me. Make sense? After reflecting on this yesterday I realized that is my power. I am capable of anything. I never really instilled this one concept into my children’s lives. Which is why I am determined to model it for them. The way I go from here is scary, it is big, it is painful. I know what is on the other side of fear is a life I only ever dreamed of before and it will be my reality! Promise you that!
Lots of Love,