I have been so emotional the past few days, I’m not really sure what’s going on. I think maybe I am being stretched for growth? Not sure. Anyway, I need to share some “real” stuff that is on my heart. Sometimes in the blogging, social media infested world we live in we try to portray our lives as pretty and maybe not so perfect but, awesome. I am the same way, I don’t want any negative feed on my Instagram or Facebook. It is nice to see some honest, raw, real life post every once in a while. So, my social media accounts tend to be very positive and uplifting. I try to motivate and encourage others online. Then , real life is not so rosey. That is what I am sharing today.
I may be putting too much pressure on myself to change old behaviors and develop the new ones I want so badly. Example– I want to stop saying I’m sorry all the time. I want to have confidence in who I am as a person (which I do) but, I want it to radiate. My highest priority with myself is pursuing freedom. In every area I desire total FREEDOM. Always show grace and be non judgemental attitude. I began to ask myself this one question daily. “Is this moving me toward freedom, or daily struggle? This one question changed my entire outlook on life believe it or not. When I thought about the choices I have in a day it really caused me to stop reflect. As we draw closer and closer to fall I am feeling a since of urgency on the goals I wanted to crush this year. I have met a few of them. I had and still have a mission to be a light and shine so brightly that everyone whom I encounter in a single day takes notice. I also, have a desire to leave everyone feeling more loved and more valuable when they leave me. I think I have not mastered the BIG goals I wanted to accomplish this year. Finances, my doTERRA Tribe growing, hitting Silver than Gold then Diamond! Writing my book, monetizing my blog, and having a freaking amazing online business! I know and I have determined today that I will NOT give up! I have no choice right now other than to succeed. You see the reality is I am at rock bottom right now.
There is no where for me to go but UP! I want to express to you that I am NOT sharing this out of pity or depression. I am sharing because I live my life “AS IF” meaning I live like I have so when I do have I know how to embrace it with love, passion, grace, humility, and purpose. Here goes the confession; I live in an RV built-in 1990. It could be nice but, the roof is bad so it rains in my “house”. The walls are like sponges and everything is moldy and wet. Even with all of my effort to keep it dry and clean. I currently am living in a stranger’s yard, where my RV sank deep into the mud and is now stuck so I can not leave to dump the shit tank. Anyone who has ever RVed knows what I mean. The positives, I have running water, not hot. I have wi-fi, power and a small dorm fridge that barely works but, it works. I have been seeking employment for about a month now. I made a bad choice and left my stable weekly paycheck at a beautiful campground because I allowed the lies and rumors others were throwing around to bug me. Instead of standing my ground. Lesson learned! I get up everyday with hope that today is the day! My kiddos can not live with me because I can not afford a home. I don’t have a car, that dies a few weeks ago. I was able to afford my doTERRA LRP for a while and loved my vitamins and supplements because they made me feel better. I run everyday because it is my only time of day I can try to forget what my current life situation looks like. My checking account is overdrawn 172.00. My savings account is empty. I take Benadryl to sleep. Every single day I work on my business. Day in and day out. I write, I share, I pray, I evolve, I muster up feelings of joy to share cute pics on Instagram. I blog about how to fulfill your dreams and goals all the while feeling like a fraud. I escape to Pinterest so I can feel like I am traveling the world as a gypsy and exploring God’s wonderous creations. There you have it. Now, you understand I really can not go anywhere but UP! I will continue to learn, write, plan, share, serve a community I am building online. It’s all about transparency. Truth. Raw life.
The Word of the Lord says this:
“For whoever has despised the day of small things shall rejoice and shall see the plumbline in the land Zerubbabel.”
I have a dream-a dream of a happy home in the mountains, perfect tranquility, serving women I love, leading encouraging, supporting,building community.
A TRIBE, A Life, An Example.
I wear truth, integrity, love, grace, compassion, wisdom, trust, confidence, beauty, and transparency. I am, bold and courageous!~ I teach my kids my kids to go after their dreams and goals and never ever give up!